WTF is "new normal"?

Soooo...

I'm like 5 years into this breast cancer survivor game and I'm gonna tell ya... I still don't think I understand what the HECK "new normal" is.

Seriously. I don't.

And then, I'll talk to someone who is newly diagnosed and I'll realize that I may not understand all of the craziness of my life after diagnosis, I do know more that someone who just received the news that they have breast cancer.

I suppose that it is human nature to romanticize the past history of your life. I often think back to my life before cancer and smile about the fun times I had. If it weren't for this bad habit of journaling that I have, I really would forget that I didn't understand my life before cancer either. I hated that I was single. I didn't like my job. I had no idea what I wanted to be when I grew up -- even though I've been an adult for a long time. I wondered how much longer I would be single. And I flip flopped over and over again about whether or not I would have kids, join a gym or move to Africa the way that I dreamed.

Now that I've been through breast cancer -- had some chemo, lost some hair, lost a breast, had radiation (and burns to show for it), got a new boob (and a tummy tuck), grew some hair, lost some weight, gained some back, lost some nails, those came back too -- now I can say that all the stuff I worried about before, doesn't matter in the same way. But it does still matter. Its just different.

I guess "new normal" means that nothing will ever feel the same and that is alright. The real question I guess I should be asking is... what the HECK is normal?


Because my normal before and my normal after are still a bit strange and humorous. New normal means that I get muscle cramps in my chest around my mastectomy scar. (those are so much fun). New normal means that my nails are brittle and my hair grows pretty slowly. New normal means that I have hot flashes and night sweats. Thanks menopause! And new normal means that I don't care that much about what people think about how I live, what makes me happy and how I am going about this life.

I curse like a sailor, with few apologies. My give a fugg has been broken for years now. The smallest things bring me the deepest joy. And I wear black Chuck Taylors nearly every day.

New normal is okay with me. Pink ribbon life strikes again!



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