Remembering my pink ribbon sister Tami
Earlier this year, I attended a breast cancer blogger summit with the Komen Foundation. It was my second time being invited and participating. To be honest, it is one of those events that I look forward to because it is an opportunity to mingle with other pink ribbon sisters that I normally only interact with through social media. The fact that I met most of these women online doesn't diminish the connection that I feel with them.
There are a lot of breast cancer survivors in the world (pink ribbon sisters) but not as many who continue to advocate regularly in a public way after their treatment ends or after their treatment advances to metastatic stage. That isn't a criticism. I'm sure that everyone can understand the desire that many sisters have to move back into their life and to put breast cancer in its own category. It can easily become all encompassing and that can be difficult to handle. All that to say, I have so much admiration for my pink ribbon sisters who continue to beat the drum about breast cancer. It is an emotional undertaking... a heavy weight to bear many days.
The Komen meeting this spring - the last time I saw Tami
When we met this spring, we learned a lot about the initiatives that Komen was planning to work on this year. One issue that they were ready to tackle in a larger way was metastatic breast cancer. The metastatic community has been loud and relentless in their demands for more attention on the women and men who are dying of breast cancer. Basically they feel ignored and they're demanding more attention on finding a cure. They're not wrong for that.
Tami is a really kind woman that I met at a different meeting last year and I was thrilled to see her at the Komen meeting. It was her first time with us and she was great. She and another metastatic sister, Jill, made sure that the needs and concerns of the metastatic community were not missed. At one point during the meeting, things got a little tense. Unusual and then not so... because when you're discussing a topic as sensitive as breast cancer, emotions will run high.
After we all returned home and back to our own corners of the breast cancer community, Tami and I chatted again. We exchanged apologies and agreed to continue to connect via social media. I continued to follow her on facebook and would occasionally jump into some of the conversations that she held on her page. A few months ago, something caught my eye on her page - at this point, I can't remember what it was specifically - and it made me pause. I mentioned to my boyfriend that my sister wasn't doing too well and I shed some tears.
To see Tami, you would not know initially that she even had breast cancer. She appeared healthy and fine. That isn't unusual for mets survivors. Many of them have their hair, their weight is stabilized and they just look normal. As the weeks went by, an occasional picture of her would show up and I could see the weight loss and the change in her appearance. She didn't mention it on her page (that I noticed) but something in my heart said that she was going down.
It broke my heart.
Five months after that meeting, Tami is gone
Tami passed away about a week ago. And when I learned of her death... I wept for days. She wasn't a number on a report, a statistic on a powerpoint slide... she was a real person. A sweet woman. A wife, a mother, a friend. The earth has lost a lot with her death. The breast cancer community has lost a strong voice.
This year, I've had several women I am acquainted with to be diagnosed with breast cancer. As always, I provided whatever comfort that I could by trying to help them to understand what they could expect from their treatment and time after diagnosis. It never gets easier to learn of a new diagnosis. It NEVER gets easier to lose someone.
I've underestimated the urgency of the metastatic community. Because my personal focus is on younger women and women of color who are diagnosed with breast cancer, I feel that awareness initiatives are still very necessary and I don't want to see them go away. But each life lost feels like a failure, even more than each diagnosis.
This disease kills. It damages. It rips our bodies, tears our spirits. And as long as we've been fighting it, it feels like we're not making enough headway to finding a cure. I am not a conspiracy theorist but I really want to know why this disease has been so hard for us to eradicate.
Sigh...
Today, if you haven't checked your breasts... do so. If you haven't had a mammogram this year, schedule one. Support breast cancer research organizations and organizations dedicated to metastatic breast cancer survivors.
Please keep in mind that breast cancer organizations have varying missions. The organizations are not the same. There are some organizations that are focused on research but not all do. And of the ones that do have research as part of their mission, it usually isn't the ONLY thing that they focus on concerning breast cancer.
Some organizations are focused on awareness programs and education. Some are community outreach focused (free/reduced mammograms, etc). Some are focused on specific types of breast cancer... and so on. As much as you may think of breast cancer as one disease, it is really many diseases and there are a lot of ways that people are aiding the breast cancer community. This is why it is very important to research the organizations that you donate to and understand what their intentions are with your contribution.
Tami's website: www.tamiboehmer.com
Research and metastatic organizations that I recommend are:
Breast Cancer Research Orgs.
Dr. Susan Love Research FoundationDana-Farber Cancer Institute
Susan G. Komen Foundation
National Breast Cancer Foundation
Metastatic Breast Cancer Organizations
Metastatic Breast Cancer NetworkMetavivor Org.
Rest well my sister. You will be deeply missed. But we will continue to do our work to find a cure and to aid those who are living with this disease and the aftermath. Bless you.
