Phantom pains are real... and annoying
I’ve read about people who have lost limbs feeling phantom pains and itching in the removed limb. I always thought it was so sad. I mean, here you have this poor person who has already gone through something very traumatic and after all of that… suddenly their mind starts playing tricks on them and tells them that they feel something that they couldn’t possibly be feeling. Yes, I’ve always thought that this was a very sad thing – not overwhelmingly worrisome but maybe mildly annoying at best.
So, of course when I started feeling my own phantom pains and itches, I chalked it up to my mind playing tricks on me. My anxiety is slightly elevated right now because I’m not sleeping well. Plus the seasons are changing which has heightened my fear of the flu drastically. Basically, I ignored the itching I felt. Thinking that if I didn’t give it any energy, it would dissipate and my life would simply go on. But it is not working.
My left boobie itches something TERRIBLE. Wouldn’t be a problem if there was a boobie there but there ain’t nothing there!! So why is it itching like this? I feel crazy. Especially when I am busy working on something else and my mind is focused and then I find myself reaching to scratch a non-existent breast.
Sigh.
Utter madness. But on day 2 of Breast Cancer Awareness Month…its appropriate that I feel just a little mad, a little crazy, a bit off-kilter. This month is all about arming yourself and the people around you with the information necessary to keep pressing for a cure for breast cancer. So hopefully, a few years from now, I won’t be sitting by the bedside of one of my younger cousins after she’s lost her breast to cancer too.
For all my pink-ribbon sisters/sistas and supporters…sport your pink proudly. We’ve been given a gift. The gift of an affliction that reminds us just how precious and beautiful and wonderful this world and this life really is.
P.S. It isn’t lost on me that 1 year ago I hated everything pink. My first October as a breast cancer patient was rough. This second October is starting off much better from an emotional perspective. I’ve crossed the top of a very large mountain and the valley below looks so welcoming and wonderful. I am happy that chemotherapy doesn’t last always. Very thrilled that healing does take place. Super ecstatic that very soon I will once again have two breasts. And really amazed that God does listen to our cries, our whispers and our prayers because how else could I explain the wonderful support system that I have been blessed with?
Between you and me, I may start dating again seriously. I’m scared and excited at the same time. But I am still considering the options and trying to make sure that I am up for the challenge of being that intimate with someone again.
Time really does change things.
