Being transparent about depression

Being transparent about depression is hard. Being transparent about depression is necessary. If you are grappling with feelings of depression please know that you are not alone. I once fought against depression and suicidal thoughts as well.

[Disclaimer: I am not a therapist nor a counselor. I am a survivor sharing her thoughts and experiences. The National Suicide Prevention Line can be reached at 1-800-273-TALK (8255)]

Years before I was diagnosed with breast cancer, I was diagnosed with depression. To say that it was a tough period in my life is an understatement. I had never felt so low and so useless in all of my life. My world collapsed. And it took quite some time for me to come of that very dark place. In the height of my depression, I had days where I couldn't leave my apartment or wouldn't leave my bed. Days upon days. I would have frightening dreams and desires of running my truck off the road and into a ditch or a tree, just to be done with things. I stopped driving after awhile.

(I've never told anyone that before...)

I found a great therapist and with cognitive behavioral therapy and a prescription of anti-depressants, I eventually emerged from that place. I had fallen far down the rabbit hole, but when I started thinking about ending my life, it was time for me to speak to a professional. I was supported by my closest friends who knew, my manager at work and my family. Ultimately, I learned how to cope with negative stressors and triggers.

I try not to think about that time too much. Not because of embarrassment or shame but because the things that were at the root of my depression no longer hold me in their grip. Several years after battling depression, I was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer.

Sometimes my luck is so bad that its good.

Though traumatic, dealing with my depression issues prior to my breast cancer gave me the tools to handle the intense emotions that came with my diagnosis and treatment. It also made me aware that sometimes medication can affect your moods and send you spiraling into a depression as well. Knowing that made me a better breast cancer patient. I became more aware of my own mood shift and behavior changes and I learned to monitor myself for changes and shifts. A tough time but a necessary skill for this tough world.

My point in sharing all of this is that, as cliche as it sounds, life can go on despite whatever you're going through. Depression can be terrible, but you can emerge from its shadows and take your life back.

If you're interested in reading more of my thoughts and experiences with depression, I've linked to the previous posts below. Just know that you are not alone. I am with you and if I can emerge from the darkness, you can too.

Having cancer, being depressed and considering suicide
Mood swings as side effects
Sharing one of my dark secrets
Love yourself right where you are
Some days I don't want to share my feelings
Depression worries and Farrah inspires me
Fighting depression

If you've dealt with depression or are interested in learning more about it, I invite you to join me on a twitter chat this evening at 9pm EST. The hashtag is #DayOfLight.

For details about this movement, please go to Pushing Lovely Day of Light Information.

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