Best Valentine Ever! @JamesHPerry and I welcomed our daughter yesterday! #TinyNerdinNerdland pic.twitter.com/PEHuBdUaRG
— Melissa Harris-Perry (@MHarrisPerry) February 15, 2014
Motherhood through surrogacy
I learned, along with the rest of the world, that Melissa Harris-Perry and her husband welcomed a new baby into their lives on Valentine's day. After a lot of guessing from a lot of news sources, she finally admitted to having the baby with the help of a surrogate. She explained in her essay [How we made our miracle] that because of her struggle with uterine fibroids, she had a hysterectomy. And shortly after making that devastating choice, she met the man she would marry. Familiar story to me.
Isn't that always the way that things work out?
Before I was diagnosed with breast cancer, I was familiar with fibroids but I didn't deal with them personally. Many of my friends and several family members have them so I knew how devastating they could be. I have family members who experienced miscarriages due to their fibroids and who ultimately had to have a hysterectomy. Fibroids are highly common among black women. I have learned since my diagnosis that I too have them. Right now, they are an annoyance but not causing me a lot of problems so I leave them alone. And pray that things don't get worse.
While it was fibroids that rendered Melissa Harris-Perry infertile, for me it was treatment for my breast cancer. Specifically, my chemotherapy treatment. I was in my late 30's when I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I still had hope for children and motherhood. But because my cancer was advanced and chemotherapy was necessary, I learned that it was very likely that my fertility would be compromised. Chemotherapy can cause ovarian failure or send a woman into early menopause. According to FertileHope, a non-profit that specializes in providing information about infertility in breast cancer patients, 40 - 80% of patients treated with cyclophosphamide (a very highly used chemotherapy drug) will experience ovarian failure. Some doctors place that number at 4 out of 5 chemotherapy breast cancer patients.
That is a lot of women.
So when I heard about Melissa Harris-Perry's surrogacy, I understood the choice she made. Although we didn't have the same medical issues, the choice to become a mother at 40 isn't one that is made easily or frivolously. Choosing to use a surrogate is a viable option for many infertile couples. And I am really glad that the option is available.
Approximately 11,000 young women are diagnosed with breast cancer each year. Some of those women will go on to give birth to healthy, happy babies. Many of us will not. And for those who may want to, infertility treatments are extensive and costly. Surrogacy may provide alternatives for young women who still desire to have children.
While I have opted not to go through any infertility treatments, I do often wonder what kind of mother I might have been. I don't linger there though because my life is a good one and I am surrounded by love, including the children of family members, friends and my guy. I may not ever be a mom, but I'm a pretty good auntie. And I'm okay with that. Breast cancer changed the trajectory of my life; but it didn't change that I could choose to have a good life. *Young women face concerns with breast cancer that their older counterparts do not have to deal with; namely fertility concerns' living longer with side effects of treatment; relationship/dating concerns and career issues. Our journey with this disease is compounded by our relative youth and the life goals that are altered by this part of our journey.
