Sexual intimacy issues are a REAL problem for many survivors
Okay, so you know the saying... "don't get your panties in a bunch"? It generally means don't get excited over small things. But in this case, my panties are in a bunch... but I think I'm justified over my excitement.
Your sex drive can suffer when you're diagnosed with breast cancer
Breast cancer plays a wicked trick on your sex drive. While you're in treatment (chemotherapy, radiation), your body may be a little too fragile to really engage in sex. The head trip about dealing with your mortality and the difficulty of seeing the changes in your body can also reduce your libido. Add to that, after the treatments and surgeries end you could be pushed into menopause -- a time where your body naturally drifts into a lower sex drive -- and you could have a recipe for some bunched up dry panties.
D. R. Y. panties ain't no fun for anybody... (laughs) I'm just saying.
I'm still feeling feverish (sexually) and excited... grateful for that!
I think I'm in a different category though because I can't say that my sex drive has diminished. In fact, it seems to heat up a little bit more every month. Which presents a challenge for me (remember, I am currently the date-less/boyfriend-less wonder).
Your vagina CAN suffer... not cool!
I read somewhere that for breast cancer patients/survivors the old adage, use it or lose it, really does apply. The drugs used to treat our cancer often affect our vaginas in several ways: the skin gets thinner, intercourse can become painful and our personal lubrication may diminish or dry up completely. Reading that information made me cringe. I like sex. Didn't always but I definitely do now. And I'd hate to lose the ability to engage in wonderful sex, complete with powerful orgasms just because I didn't have anyone to work it out with. But, right now, I don't.
Do you hear me? My beautiful va-jay-jay could be harmed by the same drugs that saved my life from breast cancer. What the hell? I'm alive... I'm missing one breast... and my va-jay-jay could be broken?
*gasp* The horror!
But wait... what about self-love?
So what's a girl to do? Well, you know... (blushing)... you get to know yourself. I've become quite proficient at loving myself and I'm waiting for a delivery of some additional items to take that self-love to a different level.
To put it plainly... masturbation (self-love) keeps your va-jay-jay happy and in good use until a partner comes along that you're willing to share yourself with. And it feels pretty good too.
All jokes aside, masturbation is a natural thing and the reality of being the single girl breast cancer survivor is that I am still very a sexual being. Diagnosed with breast cancer before my 40th birthday means that I'm still dating, I hope to get married one day and I still want to have good sex.
Talking with my oncology team about the importance of my sex life was sometimes awkward but it was an important part of myself that I wanted to be sure that someone was aware that I was concerned about. Searching online for more information regarding sexual dysfunction among breast cancer survivors gave me a lot of insight as well. Counteracting the effects of menopause, without the use of hormone treatments, is my goal. However, that doesn't mean that I want (or plan) to just give it away to any ol' person who comes along.
Intimacy in relationships (both sexual and non-sexual) take time to build. I already feel self-conscious about my body because of all the changes I've been through. Being uncomfortable with my body sexually, won't help me to connect with a good guy (when the time comes). So, I think of my exploration of my own body as homework to prepare for the guy who comes along...
I think that my regular doses of self-love are assisting me in reconnecting my new body to my old sense of sexiness and sensuality. Things are different, to be sure, but there's still a whole world to discover and explore over here.
So... my panties are definitely in a bunch. But it is a good thing.
This is slightly awkward... but I'm going to paste a link to my amazon store [Nic's Self-Love Essentials Amazon Store] with a few select items, that you may find interesting. They are sexual in nature - so don't click if you're going to be horrified at the sight of certain apparatus - but nothing too crazy or too out there.
This is MY body. What's left of it is mine. I want to be alive for a long time, but I also want to have a lot of years ahead of me with some really great sex. I don't think that's a bad thing at all.
*Update 7/2015: I wrote this post in 2010. I wasn't in a committed relationship then (though I am now) but the advice about self-pleasure still applies. To counteract issues of vaginal atrophy, you will need to remain sexually active. It is your body... love it. Don't be ashamed or afraid to touch yourself.*
That's all for now...
~Nic
