Hmm. I was confused by his question.
To be honest, it came out of the blue and caught me by surprise. I really hadn't thought much about the fact that I don't talk much about my dating exploits. The easy answer is... ain't nothing to tell because I haven't been dating.
Sad, right?
Even my mother has jokes and snide remarks about how I never go out anymore. She and I had a very long (and somewhat emotional) conversation a few weeks ago about the fact that she felt that I needed to return to dating. My mom thinks that I'm hiding from life right now. At least 20 minutes of the conversation focused on the fact that I should accept that I was a cougar and that there was nothing wrong with dating younger men. (Yikes!)
As mothers usually are... she was right about so much of the conversation. And my reader was also right about his confusion about my lack of dating. See, as a follower on twitter, he noticed that I have little flirtings with different guys. But, he took it one step further. He also noticed there was no follow up. And that didn't make sense to him.
(darn shame when you realize that people actually do pay attention to what you talk about... laughs)
So, he wondered whether or not I was really single.
(I am)
Whether I really wanted to find love.
(I do)
And why I wasn't returning any of the interest from the men who were reaching out to me.
(I still don't have an answer for that one)
There is a reason I'm hesitant to date. The truth is that I don't have anything to offer anyone at the moment. I believe that people should date from a position of wholeness. I'm not whole right now. Well, emotionally I am fine. But my life is a bit upside down. The problem is that it appears to others that perhaps I'm still upset about my last relationship. Let me assure everyone... That's not it.
I've dated a few nice guys over the years that have passed since my ex and I broke up. I'm beyond that relationship now and I'm not bitter about it anymore. But, the important concern right now is that I don't know what I could bring to someone's life right now.
Another part of my challenge with dating is that I am stuck in the cougar-matrix.
Why do I have to be called a cougar?
Lately, most of the guys that I meet and really like are significantly younger. THAT unnerves me something serious.
This whole "cougar" phenomenon is crazy!
I don't like the term for myself. I don't go out looking for young men to date. I don't specifically target younger men, or go to places where I expect to meet younger men. But I must admit that I meet younger men rather frequently. And for the most part, its a pretty good experience. I have accepted that younger men are really kind of cool. (and usually really quite sexy!)
*gasp, maybe I am a cougar... ick*
So here's the deal. I'm older. I'm single. I'm childless. And I don't date. (foolish I know) And all because I'm obsessed with building a website and a business. All of my money has gone to figuring this out. I spend all of my time on the computer reading, writing, researching and planning. I look... CRAZY. (seriously -- and y'all know I'm vain as hell) I feel like I'm on another planet. I no longer seem to function on a regular life schedule. I have no idea what day or date it is at any given moment. I'm awake when others are sleeping. I'm napping here and there. I'm over caffeinated and generally... just plain weird. Its a nutty existence to be sure.
Sigh. And while I'm thoroughly enjoying the madness of it all... I do not know how to be this girl and date at the same time.
...and that's a shame.
A few weeks ago, I considered dating a guy who was somewhat amazing. Really nice guy. Very, very bright. I mean, wicked smart (intelligence is really sexy to me). Ambitious, driven, super creative... all character traits that I find magnetic. He was also about 15 years younger than me.
Yikes.
YIKES!
He didn't have a problem with my age but I flip-flopped back and forth about his age. In the end, the age difference and my generally nutty demeanor because I'm a computer cave dweller right now... drove me batty. I put that guy through dumb changes while I "thought" about whether or not we should date.
*shakes head*
Poor guy.
No excuses. I don't have any. I'm just a nutball right now. After awhile I accepted that my behavior and demeanor just wasn't something that I needed to put into anyone's life. I finally sent him an email (yeah, that was too crappy I know) and said that I just wasn't ready to date him.
But between me and you... I did like him and I should have allowed myself to date him and let him into my life in a real way.
*hangs head in shame*
What is my problem? Well, my problem is me. One side of my brain completely understands why I am doing what I'm doing and why my life looks the way that it does up close. And the other side of my brain constantly asks the question... "are you going to make this man's life miserable while you try to find yourself?" Or the favorite "shouldn't you be beyond this by now?"
Ha ha. I am sooo ridiculously hard on myself. **still working on that**
What do you think? Can someone date while their life is in transition? Or should they remain focused on achieving their own goals and getting their life back to a stable position... and pick up dating after that point?
