Who loves the sister with one breast?
Fooling around on twitter this morning and I witnessed a truly ignorant joke go by. I found it tasteless but I didn't really think much of it. I started to respond but decided not to insert myself into someone else's "fun". And then it started being retweeted repeatedly.
*blink*
Seeing it once was bad. Seeing it 5 times in a row? The pressure rose in my head. Immediately. I dashed off an informative response (kind in my mind, kinder than I was feeling actually) and moved on down the twitter feed.
The next tweet that caught my attention was a random question:
@phunmyharwe: Will you marry her if you suddenly discovered she has only one boob?
This is not someone I follow. I have no idea whether this person is male or female -- though I suspect female. And I have no idea whether this was a joke or a serious inquiry. The responses I saw seemed thoughtful and respectful.
My initial reaction was a frumped face with a deeply furrowed brow. But the truth of the matter is that, no matter how shallow it seems to me... this is actually a very honest question. And even more honestly, it is one that I grappled with for months when I was deciding on reconstruction options after my mastectomy.
Who would love me and want me with one breast?
I cannot tell you the number of times I asked myself that question. And now that I have one natural breast and one reconstructed breast... I often wonder how that difference is received. In fairness, I have never met a man who said anything negative about a breast cancer survivor or a sister with one boob or a fake boob. I'm sure they exist, but I'm fortunate that they haven't crossed my path.
But when I see "jokes" like the really crass one I saw this morning I am reminded that not everyone takes this disease seriously. Not everyone understands the magnitude of pain, both emotional and physical, that survivors deal with. For too many, boobies are just for sexual pleasure and for crass jokes.
*sigh*
I am a survivor. I was more than my breasts before my diagnosis and I am more than them after.
Losing one breast was hard. The emotional grief still burdens me. Being reconstructed definitely helps my self-esteem. There are quite a few survivors who decide not to be reconstructed after a mastectomy. I applaud their strength and courage to do that. For me, acceptance is a process that I am still working through; it is a bit of a struggle to really see myself as fully woman, still feminine and still gorgeous after all that I've been through. Just as I write about my journey with this disease and inspire others... I too am inspired by the stories of other survivors. About 10 minutes after the boob question rolled across my twitter feed... this link crossed my path and I was inspired all over again.
This story about an African sister's journey with breast cancer and self-acceptance touched my heart. [Even with one breast I am beautiful]
To answer the question, I hope that the man who loves me will love me whether I have one or two or even none. It may not be the physical ideal that he dreamed of, but I hope that the content of my heart and the character of my spirit will make up for the battle scars that I wear because I fought for my life.
I hope and pray for that man to come into my life.
