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| Karyn Washington, blogger and social media maven |
I have two points in this post:
Depression is real. You need a support system in your life.
About a week ago, the world lost a bright star when blogger and social media maven Karyn Washington committed suicide. This beautiful and caring young woman was a mere 22 years old and in those few short years she made a powerful impact on so many people in the world.
Karyn founded a blog, For brown girls, and a movement, #darkskinredlipstick. Both outlets were created with the intent of helping young black women find strength in their own beauty and to acknowledge that they too have value, in a world that often celebrates lighter skin by demonizing darker skin.
I did not know Karyn personally but her tweets crossed my timeline on occasion. Hearing of her death shocked me. I had no idea that she was going through anything so hard. But it seems that the death of her mother (due to cancer) had proven to be the most difficult darkness of all.
As a cancer survivor, a black woman and a woman who suffered from depression when I was younger... Karyn's life issues (as I knew them) made sense to me. I am twice her age now and I will admit that sometimes the weight of race, gender, cancer and even depression... gets heavy even for me.
Depression is real. You need a support system in your life.
As a black woman in America, I often feel unfairly saddled with the pervasive thought that I have to be strong. That "strong black woman" mythology hangs around necks of all of my sisters, day in and day out. For some of us, that weight drags us so far down it is a wonder that we have the strength to get up every day and keep moving. The pressure of living up to a mythological strength is a hard. Being "strong" at all times keeps many of us stuck and lost and incapable of reaching out for, or accepting help. The guilt that many of my sisters feel when they may be having a moment of weakness -- as humans often have -- keeps us silent in our troubles. Too many of my sisters feel that they don't have (or shouldn't need) a support system to get through this life.
As it goes... "our ancestors made it through slavery, you are a STRONG black woman and you can get through this...".
Look, I dropped my superwoman cape a long time ago. Beating myself up for being human and having frailties wasn't going to heal me. Accepting that about myself probably prepared me for my bout with breast cancer. I am grateful.
Depression is real. You need a support system in your life.
I keep repeating these two statements because the simplicity of their message hides the depth of pain that they represent. Yes, I survived breast cancer. Yes, I am a black woman. Yes, my ancestors came to this country in chains and were kept against their will as slaves until that legal status was outlawed. Yes, I do still face racism and race bias. Yes, I am single and unmarried. And yes... all of these things do mean that I have dealt with some tough times. But I am NOT superwoman. I get tired. I get sad. I feel weak. I cry a lot. I am scared sometimes. And some days... I feel an emotional pain that is so raw that if I opened my mouth to let out the sound that corresponded with my pain... I could shake the earth. Some days I ache deep down in my bones... from the pure pain of what I've been through, people I've lost and trauma I've experienced. Simply put, I am human. I am not always the archetype of strength that others expect me to be.
And neither was my little sis Karyn. Even in the midst of her personal grief and pain, she still set out daily to empower other young black women to feel beautiful in their skin and to hold their heads up in the face of a world that constantly devalued them and their beauty. I cannot stop applauding her for that. But I know too well that a woman can be full of love and strength and courage for others... and have none left for herself. And I want all of us to stop doing that to ourselves.
If you need it, let me give you permission to call a friend (or a family member) and tell them that you need help. Then sit there while they help you. If you would be willing to help someone you know who needed you in their time of trouble... know that you are worth at least that much to them. And then let them help you.
There is no shame in needing assistance. There is no shame in grief or feeling emotionally exhausted. Give your friends and family a chance to love you and show you how much you mean to them.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
http://www.racialicious.com/2014/04/14/voices-rip-karyn-washington-founder-of-for-brown-girls-1992-2014/
Rest in peace dear sister. Your presence remains in our hearts and minds. Thank you for all that you gave us. We continue to honor your name.
