I've been looking for the motivation to get up and get moving. The last few weeks of 2010 left me depressed and saddened. As I reviewed the year, I remembered how much loss I had experienced and I cried and moped about it. I took my time to review the lives of my loved ones who passed away... and to remember the pink ribbon sisters who had lost their fight against breast cancer. All of that grief and mourning weighed my heart and my spirit down something serious.
But what really got me was thinking about why all of these folks died. Especially my relatives. Like many black Americans, I have a family history of heart disease, diabetes, high blood pressure, cancer, and other diseases. Many of these ailments can be either cured or deeply curtailed with some effort -- namely, exercise, dietary changes and limiting (or eliminating) alcohol and tobacco consumption.
As a breast cancer survivor, I know that my chances for recurrence are reduced if I control my weight, watch my diet and reduce my drinking. I know this.
I know this.
And yet... I haven't made enough progress in any of these areas. I'll change for a few days... and then drift right back into my comfort zone. Knowing this about myself makes me sad because its not like I have a death wish. I don't want to go back to chemo and surgeries and fear and not knowing... I don't. But, it is like there is a big ol' wall in front of me that I simply don't have the energy to climb over.
So, what's a girl to do when she knows that she knows better and isn't living up to her full potential? She digs deep and finds ways to inspire herself. And then she prays that a sign comes along that gives her the courage to step out of being comfortable and into being fully alive.
How did I inspire myself? I re-read a book that has always provided the push that I need to get out of my comfort zone and find a way to do something new. "Who Moved My Cheese" is a really short little book. Less than 100 pages total and the actual story is only 50 short pages (less if you don't count the pages with the pictures). It is a short parable on learning how to deal with change in your life. I've read it many times... and I knew that it was just the push I needed to get some motivation.
It was.
And here is where serendipity steps in. I was reading this wonderful book about change on the subway the other day. As I was strutting down the platform, I passed a really handsome guy. Chocolate skin, nice smile... long legs... *nodding head* Indeed, he was a cutie. I smiled, and kept walking on by. He smiled back and that was that.
So I thought. My train pulled up a few moments later and I looked back wondering whether he would be on the same train.
Turned out that he was. I passed him again as I looked for an empty seat. Again, he smiled and I smiled. I slid into my seat and pulled out my trusty book on change.
All good right? Well... this gentleman decided that smiling was insufficent and he came up to where I was sitting and introduced himself. Smile was much better up close. He was personable and confident. It was nice.
And he was in a wheelchair.
I gave him my number and long story short... one conversation with this guy put the final click in the paradigm shift that I needed.
This guy has been paralyzed from the waist down for about 20 years. He was shot when he was a teenager. I didn't ask for details about the event. But I was fascinated by his attitude. He approached me, not cautiously or with any trepidation, but boldly and with a ton of confidence. He spoke to me like a guy who typically gets what he wants. It was slightly intoxicating. To look at him, I would have expected him to be more afraid of life. He was far from it.
So during our converation -- which in and of itself was amazing because I only talk on the phone to a handful of people and even then, its not frequently -- he told me that he works out every day.
Wait, what?
He works out everyday. He lives alone and goes out to clubs and such all the time. (laughs) He fully lives every moment of his life. He told me that he planned to walk again and that he had regained the feeling in one leg and was working on the other leg. When I mentioned that I needed to work out, needed to lose just a few pounds and get myself in shape. He said... then walk.
I keep laughing because he was so dead serious. A man who cannot walk, told me to basically stop wasting time and move my legs as long and as far as I can every day. And it was just what I needed to hear when I was most receptive to hearing it.
So... while my insomnia still gives me fits... when I found myself awake at 4am this morning... guess what I did?
I walked.
(laughs)
PS. There is an old gospel song by Walter Hawkins called "Be grateful". It is a great song and it brings me an amazing level of peace and joy. Part of the lyrics say...
be grateful
because there's always somebody worse off than you
be grateful
because there's somebody who wants to be in your shoes
So... once again, I am grateful. Life is constantly changing and constantly teaching me something new -- usually about myself.
Thoughts for today: Who moved my cheese? and Be grateful.
Lyrics | Walter Hawkins lyrics - Be Grateful lyrics
